Connecting with Your Inner Self Through a Visual Journey of Your Outer Self

Sometimes people come to me because they want a beautiful, sexy gift to give their loved one. Sometimes they come to me because they want to feel into a side of themselves they rarely get to unleash and they want a beautiful, sexy gift for themselves. But sometimes, they come to me because, through human experiences, they become so disconnected from the person they used to be that they have no idea how to re-assemble the detached parts to become the new person they’re evolving into.

That last bit above. That’s exactly when my skin starts to tingle.

This beautiful specimen of a gentleman and I became friends through semi-similar circumstances and he asked for a photoshoot. At first, the style was going to be more editorial/portrait, which you can see we still stuck to, but the more we talked about the shoot and everything going on in his life, it became clear that we needed to dive deeper. I wanted to make space for him to be able to connect with himself on a more intimate level.

This man is going through a major external shift in his life, which has ignited an internal transformation that I don’t think he saw coming (do any of us??). His external shift was and still is causing him to question who he is, what he wants in life, and what his worth is in terms of loving others, others loving him, and most especially, self-love. As if that weren’t enough reason for a photoshoot, he also contracted Lyme Disease and one of the side effects he’s been left with is Prosopagnosia, or Facial Agnosia, which is facial blindness/you can’t recognize people’s faces. Imagine having your friend or loved one walk toward you and not recognize who they are. If that weren't bad enough, it also affected the recognition of his own face. Imagine not only being unrecognizable to yourself physically but also soulfully. The universe was definitely dialing in an awakening on an epic level that could not be ignored. 

The mood of the shoot was unlike any other I think I’ve done. It was heavy, but in a good way. He, of course, was nervous but I think it was a lot more than just being-in-front-of-a-camera nervous, or even being-nude-in-front-of-another-person nervous, though I know those played a role. I watched as he tried to reconnect some of those detached parts. It’s normal to do that during a shoot but I always forget to tell people that the reconnection comes after the shoot and over time.

The process is always the same and very much normal for folks using photography to reconnect with themselves on an intimate level:

They see their photos for the first time and the first thing they do is physically judge themselves. They pick out what they like and what they don’t like. They see photos that make them cringe and others that make them look away, while others make them smile. They believe in their instant judgment of what photos they like and what photos they dislike.

A little time passes and they come back to view them again and there are a couple of photos they can’t believe they didn’t really notice before, or that they initially disregarded for whatever reason. They stare at them and they start to see something they didn’t see before. Self-appreciation begins to grow.

A little more time passes and they go back to the photos that made them look away, which are different photos than the ones they simply don’t like. They begin to assess what it is about the photo that makes them feel uncomfortable. It begins to set in that those are the photos that captured a side of them that they’ve always had a hard time seeing. It could be a facial expression, a body part, or an entire body that they’ve never gazed at before in such a way.

They continue to come back over time and each time the photos take on new meaning and are taken in and accepted or rejected in a variety of ways for a variety of reasons. But, in the end, it’s the growing belief in oneself that brings it all home. Curiosity continues to deepen, confidence grows, recognition of the core person born into this world arises, self-worth sets in, and the reckoning continues. We begin to feel pieces of ourselves reattach. 

Let the journey to wholeness begin.

.    .    .    .    .

“I love 71/72. I want to hang out with that guy. I am grateful just even for that one, it really made my day.”

“So I realized just by looking at the photos, how much this whole thing really meant to me. When there I kinda half looked, not knowing what to say but then looking I saw more, especially as the clothes came off. It was like unpeeling and loosening…relaxing as you kept asking.”

“So I look at these photos and see a person, a man, weathered but still prime. Attractive and interesting, deep and mysterious. Troubled and delightful.

I see potential and experience, wisdom and willingness.

I see not done, not even close.

I see strength and wonder, masculinity and mystique.

I see a calm conscious soul.

And a gentle hopefulness that provides shelter.

I see life, I feel life and that feeling is good.

So I'm holding on to that for what I hope is a good while.”

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NOTE: I only photograph male boudoir if I know you or someone I know refers you to me. Please don’t reach out unless one of these two circumstances is present.