The Joy of Counterculturalism

Martha Beck, author, and life coach, talked about a concept in a podcast I found interesting: nature vs. culture. When we are living within our own nature, we are living our truth. When we are living within culture, we are not. Of course, it’s not always that black and white and of course, you could say that lots of folks living in culture are quite happy. And yet…

Are they?

In a previous post, I wrote, “I feel like we live in a world where we are all walking around with a full and complete understanding that everything is backward and upside down but we just keep on living this way because we’re not sure how to not live this way. It’s like the Matrix meets Alice in Wonderland.”

This, to me, is what culture is. It’s the Matrix meets Alice in Wonderland.

We all know that racism is shitty and truly has no place on this planet, the skinnier you are doesn’t mean you’ll be happier, the BMW doesn’t mean squat in terms of what is really valued in this life, plunking kids down in a chair and desk for 6 to 8 hours a day over a period of 13 + years is completely counterintuitive to the way children learn, an 80-hour work week is absolutely not more important than spending time with your family, and neither is your work title. We all know that the perfectly manicured yard, your polite and well-dressed children, your clean, paved driveway, and your adherence to the neighborhood status quo are only because you shrink at the thought of the answer to the question, “But what will the neighbors think?” And yet…

We live that way anyway. 

I’ve never played well in the status quo culture and I’ve always colored outside the lines. I remember an assignment given one day by my art teacher in my 4th-grade class. She handed out a sheet that had a circle on it and inside the circle were smaller circles inside more circles, like a bullseye. Our assignment was to “color it with creativity”. Everyone else in the class colored inside those lines neatly and uniformly in colors. Not really thinking, I drew all kinds of little shapes, animals, trees, flowers, insects, and whatever came to mind inside of each of the rings of the circles while drawing stick figures with fishing poles outside of the circle as if the circles were a pond with their strings latching onto their daily catch. I drew birds in the sky, along with flying frogs and spoons. I mean, what kind of world doesn’t have flying frogs and spoons?? I showed it to my neighbor and she scrunched up her nose and said it looked messy and ugly. She showed me hers and it was so neat and colorful. I told her it looked boring and stupid. 

For most of my life, I thought I was weird or just different, or what the status quo culture would define as “not raised right”. This doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to disguise myself as status quo. Oh…I’ve tried. I did the college thing, which was super fun but a complete waste of money and time. I did the marriage thing and though I’m perfectly happy with the commitment, I’m definitely not happy with the societally attached norms that come with the title “married”. I did the kid thing, and I don’t even need to say how wonderful that is in every way but I will also say that parenthood has been my biggest teacher and instigator of rebellion against the status quo culture more than anything else I’ve ever been a part of. I also bought the house in the suburban neighborhood. It has no sidewalks and no connection to anything outside of its own matrix. It’s boring and lifeless, but wow the lawns are just lovely. Sure, they come with that nasty stench of poisonous chemicals every spring but everyone walking by for their daily exercise on the twisty-turny-streets-that-lead-nowhere will be impressed, even if that means we are literally destroying the very habitat we need to survive. 

Our lawn is full of weeds. Well, they are what society has deemed as weeds but to me they are beautiful. Our yard is filled with lovely tiny yellow flowers (not dandelions) and they are so pretty. In the early mornings, I take our not-groomed dog out for a walk and I love seeing them still sleeping. They are closed and you wouldn’t even really know they’re there. Then the sun comes out and they open and then our yard is filled with the color yellow until the sun goes down and they close back up for their nightly nap. I know with 100% certainty this drives our neighbors crazy because they each work very hard to have grass so green and perfect it looks like carpet and here we are just pollinating the world with our “weeds”. They’re each wondering when our weeds will infiltrate their Stepford lawns…I can feel it. And I don’t care. I couldn’t even imagine putting poison on those flowers to kill them. Why would anyone do such a thing?? 

I guess I just wasn’t raised right.

I’ve been a square peg trying to fit into a round hole for far too long and it’s caused a lot of irritation for my soul. I look back and see how I constantly and voluntarily contorted myself to fit within the confines of what was deemed “normal”. As I grow older, I find I just can’t adhere to that anymore. I’m a truth-seeker and the truth is that if I’m living within culture, I’m not living within my own truth. Sure, I’ve had my little rebellions here and there and they get bigger with each year, but I can feel a big shift coming and I’m all kinds of curious to see what I stir up. 

My house looks like a museum met a yard sale inside. I only clean when I can’t stand the dirt anymore. I like “weeds”. My car is a 2013 Prius, which is completely beaten up because I use it as it’s intended, not as a status symbol. Our driveway is cracked and torn up as shit. My daughter has a nose ring and her hair changes color like I change my mind (a lot). I could care less to hear about your vacation home. What I want to hear about is what you’d die for…or live for. My ass has cellulite and my face has wrinkles and I do absolutely not one fucking thing to change either of those things. I’d rather eat dirt for dinner every night than work in a cubicle or go to church. The latter isn’t because I don’t like religion; it’s because I can’t stand to sit still and be bored for that long and I will bet my life that Jesus feels the same way. 

I like being a square peg. I like coloring outside the lines. And I really fucking like tiny yellow flowers.

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