Being Human is Funny

Sometimes I think how hilarious it is to be human. I mean, think about it: our bodies are not only so fragile we could die at any moment from any bump, bruise, bite, or illness, but they also do really weird and freaky things. They excrete poop, pee, spit, collect nasty, gooey stuff in our ears, and when we are happy OR sad our eyes are subject to leakage. We grow slimy things in our noses and even noses can leak too, especially after involuntarily and forcefully blowing air through them in a typically loud fashion (this is by far my most hated bodily function). Hair grows where we don’t want it to grow but usually stops growing where we need it to grow. I understand why one could argue the value of growing fingernails, but toenails? What is the purpose of long toenails?

An actual one-sided conversation I’ve been known to have while excreting those weird bodily fluids while sitting on the toilet: “If you’re so smart, God, then why couldn’t you have created a body that didn’t need to do smelly and gross things? And don’t get me started on this once a month monsoon of blood and guts that is only a necessity a few times during an entire lifetime, if at all. You seriously did not think this through.”

Then I think about all the emotional leakages too. We come into this world not having a clue how it works. We’re molded, twisted, and contorted into what everyone thinks it means to be human. Then we pay loads of money to what are considered experts by who I have no idea to realize that we never did fit into that mold and now have to figure out what unique mold we do fit into. We read books and pay gurus to tell us, only to find out they don’t know either. After all the head-scratching, wandering confusion, ripping out of hair, and gnashing of teeth, we realize only we can figure that out, but we still don’t know how. We make it complicated in every way possible and spend a lifetime pondering our own little mysteries. If we’re lucky we arrive at the conclusion to keep it simple stupid and the answer was right there all along: we thought we had to find ourselves, but we then have the grand epiphany that we were never lost to begin with. 

We think back on all the times we compared ourselves to other people, were embarrassed by all the times we were our most human, and wasted so much time in our self-inflicted misery and all we can do is shake our heads at our own stupidity.

I’m still firmly situated in between paragraph 3 and 4 so I have no idea what comes next but I’m seriously hoping it resembles something like Bilbo Baggins’ retirement to Rivendell to write books from the movie The Lord of the Rings. Who doesn’t want to spend the rest of their life with magical elves in a magical forest??

Then I think that maybe that’s why God created all the ooey-gooey stuff of bodies because that makes us sit on toilets and ponder all of life and our place in it. 

Maybe She did think it through more than I considered…