Nothing Changes If You Don't Change

I think we can all agree that this pandemic has ushered in all kinds of feelings, wanderings, wonderings, confusion, and just plain old discomfort. That’s what it is: discomfort.

We know we are uncomfortable but we don’t know why. We know we feel a big shift, but we’re unsure what we are being shifted away from and where we are being shifted in to. It’s both exciting and scary.

I’m finding that my old ways just don’t fit anymore. Truthfully, if I’m being honest, they didn’t fit before this big colossal shakeup, I was just trying to squeeze myself into the space I had carved out for myself based on what used to work in another time. I knew this. I felt this. I just turned a blind eye to it. I think the greatest teacher for me during this time has been hindsight. This forced break gave me the time to recognize the lessons waiting for me in retrospect. I had a rather fun epiphany that showed me that I was sort of living this weird half-life of not being content with my personal world, yet waiting for something to change it, as if I had no control over that. I mean…what was I waiting for?

Nothing changes if you don’t change.

I think I spent so much time waiting for “it” to come along (whatever “it” is) that I gave up my own personal power to make my own change. Change is scary. No matter how you slice it, when you change, things get left behind. People get left behind. Careers get left behind. Comfort gets left behind. Comfort, even in discontent, is a mighty strong force to fight against. I’ve seen many-a-folk caught in their own refusal to leave comfort. You’ve seen them too. They have a haze over their eyes, a slowness in their walk, and a slump in their shoulders. They stood at the crossroads of Change and Discontented Comfort and chose the latter.

Change is coming and I’m so excited for it. I have absolutely no idea what is waiting for me, and the only thing I can see right now is a whole bunch of shaky ground but I’ve made the decision to be completely wide open to it. I can feel that my entire foundation is shifting and I am simply going to grab on with both hands and try not to fall off because I wholeheartedly believe it will be for the better. 

I know that part of this is going to be a rebranding for me. Notice I didn’t say a “rebranding for my career”. I know that not everyone lives this way, but my career has always been tied into my personal life and I know that one can’t be successful without the other. My insides and my outsides will forever be entwined in what everyone else would consider a career, separate from my real life. To me, it’s just my life.

My photography is shifting. I know this and I feel it. When I began photographing women it was to help them create a gift for their fiancé. It was a simple business move. That was it. Then it quickly morphed into an art form of self-exploration connected to the turmoil associated with self-acceptance, and all that that entails. Then it seemed to take a turn out of that place and entered into a space of celebration connected to the achievement of self-acceptance, or at least the positive journey of seeking contentment with the self. Now…I have no idea where it’s going. Your guess is as good as mine. I’ll hang on and see what path is cleared before me, for sure, but I know something is shifting there.

Education is also shifting for me. I have been trying to find my way with it for over 3 years and though I can’t tell you much, what I can tell you is that, just like my photography, I need more than just A + B = C. I need the human element. I want the stories of passion that led to dreams coming true. I want to hear all about why you gave up your comfy career to seek a new way of life. I need the conversations of what the real struggles are because it really is our struggles that connect us. If someone wants my knowledge and education, I have to have that connection. I’m realizing I have no interest in dishing out “HOW I DID IT AND YOU CAN TOO!!!!” I’m not a salesperson and I never have been. I have always believed that as long as I am doing what holds passion for me, and more importantly serves others, it will also just so happen be the thing that makes money for me. So far, that’s how it has always worked out so I don’t feel the need to change that perspective. So no, I’m not so much interested in helping you create a roadmap for your business as I am in helping you identify what is getting in the way of you following a roadmap I can just about guarantee you already have in your head. For most folks, it’s not the lack of knowledge getting in the way. It’s the lack of belief in oneself and in one’s self-worth that is getting in the way. That’s the frontline I want to be soldiered-up for. What makes people tick and what makes people quit ticking has always been where my curiosity and interest rests. Therefore, that is where I will keep poking around and exploring. There’s a nugget there. I can feel it.

My writing is just starting to really catch fire for me. I started writing for my business in 2008 and fell in love with it. At the time, my happiness came from sharing stories of love and new beginnings through my wedding photography. Then it came in the form of sharing women’s experiences with their journeys into seeing themselves in a new way. The last 2 years my writing has take a deep dive into deep introspection, life and the metamorphoses that are irreversible and unavoidable. It has been an incredible place of self-discovery for me and has been my constant companion with every new and fantastical epiphany that I’ve been blessed with. I have been so deeply grateful to know that when I write about me, it connects me to you, the reader. The older I get, the more introverted I get and so finding a way to continue such lovely connections with my fellow humans has been wonderfully gratifying. I think I have started 4 books, finished 2, and have endless piles of musings and ramblings that are some of my favorite things of all time, yet will likely never see the light of day. I have no idea what is in store for me here, but my hindsight has shown me that even if it just ends up being the quizzical and curious musings of a woman pondering life’s little miracles, then that’s enough for me. I will be dedicating a much bigger chunk of my time to writing this year because it is where I find my most joy, and why wouldn’t I follow where most of my joy is leading me?

I want change. I seek change. I desire change. I have decided to quit pondering change, being fearful of change, and thinking I need a well-defined and cleared path ahead of me to allow change. Somewhere in the ether there is a net that is already being sewn together on my behalf so that each time I jump, it will already be there waiting to catch me. 

“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars.” —Les Brown